Feb 28, 2010 - Soaring Above Conflicts

21 ‘You have heard that it was said to those of ancient times, “You shall not murder”; and “whoever murders shall be liable to judgement.”²²But I say to you that if you are angry with a brother or sister, you will be liable to judgment; and if you insult a brother or sister, you will be liable to the council; and if you say, “You fool”, you will be liable to the hell of fire. ²³So when you are offering your gift at the altar, if you remember that your brother or sister has something against you,²⁴leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother or sister, and then come and offer your gift. ²⁵Come to terms quickly with your accuser while you are on the way to court with him, or your accuser may hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the guard, and you will be thrown into prison. ²⁶Truly I tell you, you will never get out until you have paid the last penny.

We’re in the second week of the theme “setting my spirit free” as illustrated by the cage and birds in the chancel area.  Jesus’ sermon on the mount is helping us look at practical life teachings and applying them to our religious and spiritual lives.

Wow, there’s nothing like a frustrating conflict to dampen your spirits huh? In fact, conflicts over things that really matter or conflicts with people who really matter can really clip the wings of our mood and cage in our spirit.

During my first marriage, I owned a cockatoo named Desiree. She was an amazing large white cockatoo – if you remember the t.v. detective show “Baretta”, Desiree is the same kind of bird. She would stretch her feathers up and shake them. I tried to teach her to do it on command – when I say “thank you Jesus!” (wings stretch upward and shake). Haha.

Well, while attending a youth ministry conference in Atlanta, GA , I was hanging out in the hotel room with a couple of youth workers when the phone rang. It was my wife, Nancy. She was freaking out because when she tried to feed Desiree in the cage, and Nancy ran for cover into a bedroom in which she closed the door. Now Desiree walked up and down the hard floor hallway like a sentinel guarding the door.

Desiree got out of the cage and caged Nancy in, who then called me to cure the conflict. I begged her to remember the commandment “you shall not murder” – me or the bird – haha.

We are in a series called "Religion vs. Spirituality: What's the Difference?" In the Sermon on the Mount, we can see some differences between religion and spirituality. In today's message he lets us know quite plainly that just being religious isn't good enough.

Put another way, driving a car does not make one a mechanic anymore than attending church makes one a Christian.  A mechanic can drive a car AND know how to help it when things go wrong. A worshipper growing their spirituality may know some rules and beliefs of religion, AND they know how to access their spiritual tools when things go wrong.

A paramount difference between being only religious AND being spiritual is that religious people tend to focus on outward behavior and doctrinal rules; while spiritual people focus on the inward character and faith of their life.

Now, religious and spiritual are to be held in balance together. Outward behavior and doctrinal rules are necessary as the framework to sustain the inward character and faith, yet if it stops here there is danger of legalism. E.g. black & white when so much of our ever-changing world is grey.

For example, the Pharisees want it in black and white  "You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, 'Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.'"

That's the religious law, and religious people keep it. How many times have you heard someone say, "I'm not a bad person; I mean, I've never killed anyone"?

Then Jesus takes the application of this law a step further when he says,

²²But I say to you that if you are angry with a brother or sister, you will be liable to judgment; and if you insult a brother or sister, you will be liable to the council; and if you say, “You fool”, you will be liable…”

If the law is simply "Do not murder"—well, you can hate someone with every fiber of your being, but if you don't kill him, you're still "righteous". You can look at him with disgust and contempt when you pass him on the street, you can call him any name you can think of, but just don't kill him, and you'll still get an "A" in religion.

But if we do that, we fail Spirituality 101. You can't be in a relationship with God if there are people that you hate, [see 1 John 4:20].

This is why some people have so much conflict in their lives—because their contempt for others inevitably causes them to treat others in such a way that it breeds conflict.

However, as we practice behaving our beliefs through authentic Christian spirituality, there are specific behaviors that can help us and the situation in conflict.

It’s C.C.P.R. in the midst of conflicts:

+ Calm down (monitor own anxiety) avoid “why & can’t” …

Self aware of your blood pressure, voice tone…

Anger is one of the emotions during conflict that greatly hinders our ability to think, to process, and to progress toward reconciliation. In the news recently, we have read about the effects of extreme anger due to conflict.

On February 12, Dr. Amy Bishop, a neurobiology professor at the University of Alabama in Huntsville, pulled a gun at a biology department meeting and opened fire, killing three of her fellow faculty members and wounding three others.

On February 18, Joseph Stack III flew his private plane into a building in Austin, Texas, that housed an office of the Internal Revenue Service. The crash caused an explosion and fire that killed one IRS employee, injured several others and ended Stack's own life.

The Headlines class will be discussing these two tragedies and the implications that anger has in our society. You are welcome to participate in the conversation at 11:10 this morning in the Parlor.

Anger and other strong emotional reactions never cure conflict.

In fact, we are not guaranteed a cure for any conflict. However, calming down by monitoring our own emotions helps us mentally redirect ourselves toward a good result.

+ 2) Remain connected (vs. detached and resentful)…

Don’t detach or avoid them forever.

If we can stay at the table, as we stay connected with the person(s) we have a dramatically better chance of getting what we need.

Usually people detach because of their own discomfort with conflict.

By the letter of the law, they might be wrong. Yet Jesus forgives us of our wrongs more than we even know!

Yet usually people can negotiate what they need and even save the relationship in the process when they remain connected.

Proverbs 20:3 says “It is to a person’s honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel.”

1)    Care for self – by being aware of own anxiety and work to lower it.

2)    Connected with others – don’t turn back on them or the situation.

+ 3) Process vs. content  (while canoeing on the fast turbulent current of the Colorado, suddenly a bald eagle launched from it’s high perch and soared down across the river in front of us! And for that moment, we rose above the turbulence to find a new calm and focus.

Process means to stay the course of the topic at hand. What’s really happening? Is it a miscommunication, how can we keep communicating until we negotiate the conflict?

Content is the specific information within the conflict.

You already do this very well.  For example, when offering someone support in their grief, you strengthen up for them in that moment – even though you may be feeling sad too. The emotions don’t rule the situation, the process of caring does.

Staying with the process of relat. Helps us soar about the turbulence of contents.

+ 4) of C.C.P.R. is Reconciliation. Being reconciled is better than being right.

Jesus said  (v. 23) "Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother, then come and offer your gift."

Jesus is saying that religious rituals won't win the conflict.  Church-ianity obeying religion vs. Christianity behaving spiritually.  All these efforts we make to prove that we are religious will be nothing more than exercises in futility if we intentionally leave conflicts with others unresolved.

In an interview with international superstar Bono, of the band U2, he responded to the sometimes-stained reputation of the church throughout history:

Religion can be the enemy of God. It's often what happens when God, like Elvis, has left the building. A list of instructions where there was once conviction; dogma where once people just did it; discipline replacing discipleship.

Michka Assayas, Bono: In Conversation with Michka Assayas (Riverhead Books, 2005)

In Romans 12, Paul said “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. (Romans 12:17)  Most of us do think we're right all the time—especially when it comes to conflict. Admitting that you're wrong disn't easy. Neither is it fun. But Jesus told his followers, (v. 25) "Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still with him on the way, or he may hand you over to the judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison."

In USA Today there was an article about some investors who have decided to hold their brokers responsible for their losses during last year's market "adjustment." In one example, a man filed a claim for more than $150,000 against Dean Witter, saying that the Dean Witter broker invested his money irresponsibly, and caused him to lose more than half of his life savings. The case will eventually be decided by an arbitration panel. Until then, each party is absolutely convinced that they are right. I have no idea how the panel will vote, but I know this: when the panel reaches their decision, one party will lose big. And I wonder, “would each party in this dispute have been better off coming to an agreement before going to court?” (May 18, 2010 edition)

For the person who just wants to be religious, all they have to do (in regards to this topic) is keep the commandment that says "Do not murder." For the rest of us who want to be spiritual, the high calling above conflicts is to apply the commandment to our heart. Do not kill, Do resolve conflict by cpr

1)    Care for self.

2)    Connected with others.

3) Process of the relationship over content of the topic. 

4) Being reconciled is better than being right.

The great news is that no conflict can take away Christ’s love! Amen?!

What Christ sacrificed for all people has reconciled even us to God.

When I say, “praise the” you say “Lord”, “Jesus” “Christ”.

For God is a higher power than the heightened anger,

Deeper love than our deepest loss, a wonderful purpose over our worst problems,

God is a better future than our biggest frets.

When I say “God is” you say “good” God is… good, all the… time.

(Raise my hands and shake them like the bird, and proclaim “thank you Jesus!”)

(Thanks and recognition to Steve May for his homiletic work on this topic.)